Someone Come Get This Bug For Me

I've officially had my first crisis while on my own.  There I was, innocently Skype-ing with Travis, when what should I see out of the corner of my eye but HONESTLY THE BIGGEST ROACH I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.  The little jerk was just crawling his way across my living room like he owned the place, and of course the dogs and cat are oblivious to the terrifying situation and are egging the thing on.

I couldn't bring myself to kill it, so I smashed it with a 15-lb kettle bell.  He wasn't impressed, and just rolled over instead of being squished like he was supposed to.  So I took advantage of the situation, snapped a picture of the monster, and tried to squish him again.

I'll be damned if I'm going to pick him up off the floor, so there he's gonna stay for the next 6 months.  I at least had the decency to put the kettle bell back on top of him.    But seriously...someone come get this bug for me.

I Tried Yoga for the First Time and Totally Farted, Y’all.

Well, really, the title says it all.  But I'll elaborate, so the depths of my mortification can be made apparent:

This evening, I decided to try my first yoga session.  After a lengthy conversation with "Alyson" (who informed me that the y "makes all the difference!" whatever the hell that means) about what class would be best for me, I decided to disregard her suggestion and start with the basics.  After all, I worked out once a long time ago and I’m still sore.

So, there I was, yoga-ing like a champ—sun salutationing, downward-facing dogging, and warrior posing up a storm.  After about an hour we took a break, getting into child’s pose.  As I leaned back, there it was…the toot heard ‘round the YogaDen. 

I was paralyzed with terror.  I couldn’t believe my body betrayed me like that, after all of the good things I’ve been doing for it recently (more on my fruit fixation and hatred of work out DVDs tomorrow).  So I just decided to stay in child’s pose for the full 5-minute break, giggling to myself.  I did take a peek at the woman beside me, and you would’ve thought I just kicked a kitten.  But whatever, she had a wedgie the entire time and her side-boob was out of control, so I may have lost the battle but I definitely won the war.

The instructor was so kind about it; she off-handedly mentioned something about yoga being great for releasing the body’s toxins, and even gave me a pat on the back later to prove to everyone I’m not a leper.  I just had some bubbleguts.  Overall, I think that yoga is definitely for me—I felt more relaxed than I have in a long time, and it took my mind off of my self-imposed stresses and worries.  The others in the class were welcoming and kind, even after I ruined their chi with a fart.  I’m trying to break out of my comfort zone, so even if I’m referred to as “Torlone the Tooter” for the rest of my time at the YogaDen, I’ll be going back tomorrow…and the next day. 

I just might make sure and take some Beano :o/

Well Hi There!

Anyone who’s ever met me would probably not say that I am a “patient” person.  I come from a big family—not so much in quantity (although there are 4 of us sisties) as in quality.  We are a big presence: ours is the house where people seemed to naturally congregate, someone was always in some state of crisis, and the kitchen table was always, always cluttered with various projects in various states of completion. 

So for me, being in a house all by my onesie while my husband is on deployment is completely out of my element.  Yes, my dogs and cat make quite a ruckus, but the constant interaction that I’ve been programmed to want and need my entire life is distinctly absent. 

Hence, this blog.  I have 6 months to myself, and I am bound and determined to do everything in my power to stave off boredom.  Throughout the upcoming weeks, I am taking myself completely out of my element to try new things—everything from volunteering to yoga to running a half-marathon—and I want some sort of documentation so that one day, when I find myself home alone yet again, I can look back and realize that I am capable of so much more than I ever imagined.