My Life Has Become Outrageous...

So...I was really starting to feel like I had everything figured out.  I recently got a new job working for a brand-new school, Duval Charter at Southside, as a Curriculum Research Teacher--a pretty big step forward in my career.  So I've definitely started to feel like I'm hot stuff.  

And then things started making me realize that no matter what my fancy title is, I'm still an idiot.  Recent reminders:

• While sitting in on a meeting, I reach into my purse for a pen.  A penis straw flies out of my purse (from a bachelorette party) and rolls to the middle of the table...I retrieve it and make no eye contact for the remainder of the two hours.
  
• I got a speeding ticket 5 seconds from my house for going 2 miles over the speed limit.  So I had to pay a ridiculous fine and take online driver's ed.
  
• I'm addicted to "Keeping Up With The Kardashians."  I don't know how it started, but I'm not happy.
  
• I'm 80% sure I broke my toe on the recycling bin today.  That's what I get for being "green."
  
• While getting my hair cut recently, the hairdresser kept saying "moolay."  I had no idea what she was talking about and she kept saying it.  Finally, I realized she meant mullet.  At first I thought she was doing it on purpose--you know, like "Tar-jay," but no...she was serious.
  
• Oh yeah, and I kicked the lady giving me a pedicure right in the heart.  She laughed it off, thank the Lord, but I felt like an absolute piece of trash.

This is what it looks like to have your life together.

I understand that this is just a bunch of first-world problems.  Regardless, I'm glad that when I start to get a big head, life takes me down a few notches.  

Well Hello There!

It has been a minute, folks. And it's deployment time again, so I feel like I should start up this badboy once again.  As a means of reintroducing my life, here are a few of the highlights from my time away (in no particular order):

• We Got a Great Dane!

• Ohmygosh...her name is Atti (I wanted to name her Atticus, but she's a girl, so no dice).  She poops as big as a person, but she also is a fantastic snuggler, so I can't complain.  At 4 months old, she's 50 pounds, so we have a big girl on our hands.  Don't worry, pictures will follow in future posts, of course.

• I Was Named Teacher of the Year!

• I am so, so honored to have reached a huge milestone so early in my career.  The most rewarding aspect is being recognized by my peers for all of my hard work.  I honestly didn't think anyone had noticed. 

• I Got a New Job!

• Okay, this one is a little bittersweet, because I am super sad to be leaving Forrest.  But I was offered the job of Curriculum Coach at a new local charter school and I am excited for the year ahead.  I have no idea what I'm doing as it's working with mostly elementary students, but I like bright colors and love to play with stuffed animals, so I feel like I'll be okay.

• I Stopped Losing My Mind!

• I conquered my panic attacks through a combination of medication, yoga, and meditation.  I'm so thankful to have not had an anxiety-related issue since August, but I'm also a little nervous about freaking out again having so much time alone.  Thankfully, I feel like I've learned a lot of management strategies that will help me out.  Yay!

I'm excited for what the upcoming 7 months have in store for me and my animal family.  I have a few adventures planned (horseback riding, belly dancing classes, and other nonsense), so stay tuned for future updates.  

When They Come Back From Deployment...

There are a few things you have to get used to when your husband/significant other returns from deployment:

1.  His Junk Everywhere

“I know you don’t like me to ‘work’ while we’re having ‘us time,’” he said. Now, what in all of the hells does that mean?  There is a ginormous difference between tackling some ridonkulous lawn project (ummm, pictures of my disaster of a front yard to come….later…when someone else promises to fix it) and simply picking up your luggage, yo.  I just wanna walk without stubbing my toe and cursing everything I’ve ever cared about.

2.       Toilet Seats Up/Urine All Over The Place

Okay, I’ve never been bothered by a toilet seat up.  First of all, it’s just not that much effort to put it down, and I haven’t fallen in in the middle of the night, so I’m not enraged just yet.  With that being said, I do like to think it’s possible to urinate without splashing everywhere on earth.  It used to be when I needed to clean the bathroom, there were obvious rings around the toilet bowl saying, “Hey, G, it’s time.”  Now, there’s a terrifying residue of…something…that is screaming my name and begging to be scrubbed.  Well, joke’s on you, pee-stains, I’m as stubborn as they come.

3.       Dishes/Eating Habits

Did you know that if you live with someone else, they expect to eat, too?  Also, did you know that they will not accept cereal and Ramen noodles as an acceptable dinner?  Well, I should probably give you and your digestive system a heads up: all those Healthy Choice meals you’ve been downing for months in order to have a flat stummy and tight butt for your guy are gonna be worthless once he comes home demanding Publix fried chicken and carbs by the ton.  Also, once there’s more than just you eating, there are more dishes to wash.  Will whomever eating’s off of them offer to wash the aforementioned dishes?  No.  Do they care that you just got your nails done on behalf of their return?  No, not at all.

4.       Showers

What’s that?  You enjoyed your shower by yourself, taking your time and washing your hair with the water temperature just right for your hair type?  Well, no, that’s not happening anymore.  Oh, and you only shaved once every four months?  But how am I gonna seductively rub on your legs when they’re prickly and it’s 11:00 at night and you’ve been asleep for 4 hours because you’re on your own internal schedule that works perfectly for you?  Yeah, so the showers are crowded and – while the potential for fun is certainly there – something’s just falling a bit short.

5.       The Bed….oh, girl, The Bed.

I love sleeping.  I love it so much, it’s stupid.  When I’m asleep, I know that I’m missing a huge part of my day and could be doing so much more.  But, whatever, I love sleep and I’m not sorry.  For 6 months, I was sleeping by myself, except for my snuggly puppy and kitty.  But then those 6 months flew by, and suddenly there was someone else in my bed, acting like he owned the place.  My husband.  He was stealing my pillow and my covers, telling me he was hot at the temperature I was completely comfortable with, and sweating his way over to my side.  I mean, this dude dared to roll over to my side without snuggling me in some fashion!  Even Meatwad and Nanner didn’t make that rookie mistake.  Moral of the story is, this dude is all up in my grill every night and it is some kinda miserable.

6.       How Much I Missed Him

Okay, okay, okay…even though I know I can get a little hateful, and even though I tell him he can head back on deployment any old time he wants to, I have to admit that I missed him like crazy.  I wouldn’t trade the feast-dinners and sweaty nights together for a single night I spent alone.  (For now, anyway…talk to me in a few months.)  Sitting on the couch watching TV is so much more fun when you have someone to share your stupid anecdotes with than watching it on your own.  And even when I crave SunChips and pistachios for dinner, he pulls through with a better idea.  Now if I could just teach him to enjoy a good glass (or 8) of wine like I do……… 

How Long Is Deployment?

3 pairs of contacts, tubes of toothpaste, bottles of saline, and packs of toilet paper.
1 pack of sandwich bags and trash bags
500+ miles on the treadmill and bike
2 trips to West Virginia
1 trip to Haiti
126 novels read
10 panic attacks
4 packs of Meatwad’s bones
5 care packages
9 seasons of Seinfeld
10 seasons of M*A*S*H
1 new pair of running shoes
27 times taking out the trash
1 half-marathon!
1 new toilet (finally!)
4 new friends
118 school days
6 packs of birth control
5 cases of tea bags
2 hair cuts
3 house deep-cleanings
8 lawn mows
6 months
27 weeks
182 days
4,382 hours
262,974 minutes

And it’s finally almost over!

My Family Is Killing It Lately

So, I’ve been going through a bit of a dry spell lately.  Nothing too exciting happening, although I did get to see Travis for about 18 hours, which was a fantastic surprise.  I really am seriously spoiled for the next deployment, but I am very thankful for it.

Hotties in shades.

But you know who HAS been doing so much exciting stuff lately?  My family.  First of all, Alison had her baby, Victor Robert Hinkel.  He is absolutely adorable and I can’t wait to squeeze him! 

Aaaaah!  Look at him!

I’m biased, I understand, but he’s also the cutest kid I’ve seen in a long time.  Being an aunt is one of the best things in the world.  If you’re not an aunt/uncle, I would suggest politely badgering your siblings to get on the baby train. 

Also, Sweet & Sassy heard back from Cupcake Wars and was asked to submit a video interview what-not.  They came up with something so spectacular that you just have to watch it for yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKEhkOFtB0Q&feature=player_embedded

I’ve shown it to everyone I know, and my students keep asking if they’ve been selected as contestants yet.  My fingers are crossed so hard they’re starting to cramp!

Travis passed his TACCO board, which means that he is basically a stud.  He's pushed himself so hard and gotten way ahead of the curve, and I am so extraordinarily proud of all of his hard work.

So, what about me, you ask?

Well…today one of my students told me to “snack on [his] balls.”  So there’s that. 

Upon hearing about all of the fantastic things my family is up to lately, my students asked me why on earth I was in Jacksonville and not with them.  Touche, students. 

If anyone sees Alison, Sassa, or Mum lately, please give them a hug and a high-five for me.  They’ve all done some pretty amazing things lately.

In the meantime, I’ll be over here on the couch…drowning my sorrows in Desperate Housewives. 

My Students Is Cray-Cray

After a hectic morning, one of my favorite feelings at work is to eat an apple at lunch.  I have no idea why, but it just feels refreshing and energizing, and I’m nearly ready to tackle the rest of the day by the end of it.  Today, however, I didn’t have an apple in my lunch.

But I did have a bag of mini Twix.

As I sat at my desk and ate so many I made myself sick, I started to realize, dang it’s been a minute since I’ve blogged.  And what better thing to vent about than my students during FCAT week?

To adequately describe my students this week is impossible.  I’d say it’s on par with trying to describe a beautiful sunset over the ocean to a blind person.  They are monsters.  They are hateful, inconsiderate, and mean.  They are forced to take one test and you’d think they were being signed up for boot camp.  Before the test they have to talk to and say goodbye to every person they’ve ever met, because a 70-minute test really is the end of the world.  But I know that it's important to them, and they're stressed out of their gourds.  So I've been praying for and encouraging them like crazy.

...In between stuffing myself full of mini-chocolates.

Also, the big adventurous thing I did recently (aside from driving home by myself and finally getting to see my fam) was get a new tattoo.  I've wanted it for awhile, and looking back on all of my adventures and accomplishments over the past few months, I finally felt I deserved it.

On my right rib.  (Pardon the side-boob)

So there you have it.  PS - my sister, Nalson, is due to have her baby in 2.5 weeks.  Eeeeeeeeeeeek!!

Haiti

I just got back from Haiti on my first mission trip.  I'm really at a total loss of what to say about it, so this will be rambling -- fair warning.  

Needless to say, it was definitely an eye-opening experience.  Luckily, we were an amazing group -- a stone-cold pack of weirdos that meshed perfectly together.

I've lived the majority of my life sheltered from extreme poverty and need, so my first views of Port-au-Prince were shocking.

Houses are constructed from sticks holding up tarps, and placed side-by-side.  People are everywhere, as are animals.

While we were there, we stayed at a placed called Christianville, which is a campus that is home to an orphanage, a school, and many, many big things to come for Haiti.  They are starting a chicken coop to help the Haitian people with sustainable solutions for income, food, and hopefully a better tomorrow for Haiti.  There were also students, professors, and deans from University of Florida conducting research on malaria and cholera outbreaks, as well as many other diseases and issues in the country.  There are big things in store for Haiti through the work that Christianville is doing, and I urge you to check out their website to see all of the wonderful things they have going on: http://www.christianvillehaiti.org/  Bonus: the "main man" is from West Virginia!

What I'll remember most from my trip, though, is the children we visited at various orphanages.  One in particular was run by a man named Odonson (botched the spelling, sorry), who was buried under the debris from the earthquake for 2 days with one of his sons dead beside him.  He promised God that if He would allow him to live that he would open an orphanage for all of the children he could help.  And he sure did it -- his orphanage has over 30 children, and they are all amazing.  Regardless of their circumstances, every one of them had a huge smile on their face.

I fell in love, guys.  Her name is Bigendy and she's 9 years old.  She lost her family in the earthquake and is living at Odonson's.  She is the most pleasant, smiley, goofy person I have ever met.

I would adopt her tomorrow if I could.  Even with the language barrier, she still managed to steal a huge chunk of my heart.  To me, Bigendy is how I will remember Haiti.  In the midst of so much poverty and ruin, the people are incredibly welcoming and positive.

The people I traveled with were fantastic company, as well.  The nature of the trip naturally brings so many different personalities together, and we meshed so well.  I even found people with my sarcastic sense of humor, and it made it so much more fun.  God is really working in Haiti, and in the people of Haiti, and in those working to serve in Haiti.
Okay, other jumbled thoughts:

• We had fresh, handmade bread at every meal.  It tasted like what I would imagine bread would taste like if angels made it -- ohmygosh, it was delicious.  I mean, we even had homemade hot dog buns.  Get. Out. Of. Here.

• I'm gonna miss fresh mangoes like crazy.  And we had a vegetable that was fantastic, but honestly I can't remember the proper word (which was an ongoing joke...no one knew how to say it and everyone said their own version at least 50 times a meal)...maloti? muhlata?  I'm never going to remember.

• You can't flush toilet paper because the septic system can't handle it.  Think about that for a minute.....  Eek, right?

• I saw a tarantula, a huuuuuuuuge spider, lizards, the biggest toad in the history of the world, and various other geegle-worthy insects and managed to not lose my mind.  Be impressed.

Yuck, dude.

• On the way to the airport to leave, the police stopped and boarded our van.  One of the women with us accidentally filmed them as she was filming Port-au-Prince on our drive, and I almost pooped 'em, y'all.  But it turned out to be okay, and they just asked her to erase it.  

• Okay, check out this lady's (yes, it is a lady) hat!  MARSHALL!  Whaaaaaat?!  She randomly came up to me at the beach and started talking, and the whole time I was just freaking out in my brain.  I didn't have anything Marshall on (not that she might make the connection, but you never know) so it was completely random.  Reminds you what a small world it truly is.

I know I didn't do the trip much justice in this post, because I feel like I really could talk about it all day long.  Check out my Facebook photo album and give me a call if you wanna hear me ramble for hours.  I'm gonna end on something extraordinarily personal, so if you wanna stop reading here I don't blame you.  While I was on the plane I wrote out a prayer, and I wanted to share it.  Why?  Because I'm verbose, that's why.

Dear Lord Jesus,
As I'm up in this airplane on the way home from Haiti, there are so many things I think I should be saying and feeling that I'm unsure of where to begin.  But first of all, thank you for the opportunity to go at all on this amazing trip with these wonderful people.  You've recently blessed me with a "jump in!" attitude and it's led me to amazing places and adventures in the past few months alone.Please help me to not take this experience for granted, and to not forget the beautiful people I met--nor their joy in the midst of so much suffering.  Bigendy is heavy on my heart because of the wonderful connection I feel we made.  Please lay your hands over her and bless her life.  Bring her joy and please help her to never lose her wonderful smile and goofiness and heart.  Even if I never see her again (though I truly, truly hope I do soon), please keep her tight in my heart forever.Show me how you would have me continue to serve Haiti.  Guide my heart to your will and be with Travis and I to help us make the right decisions about how to serve your people in your name.  Shape me and Travis into the kinds of servants and stewards and messengers you need us to be.  Help me to spread your word and love for every single day of my life.  
In Your Holy and Precious Name I pray, Amen.

Isaiah 58: 10--"and if you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday"